I’m laying here in bed, it’s 2:30 AM, and I am wide awake.
All I can think about is her. The healthy thing to do at this point would be to try to move on and not look back, but I can’t do that. I can’t take her back, but I want her back so bad. I miss holding her in my arms and telling her I love her. I miss telling her my hopes and dreams and hearing hers in return, and planning out our futures together.
With everything that happened, I should be mad… I should be furious. But I can’t find anger toward her anywhere in my heart, I just want to be with her again and tell her everything will be alright even though I am scared to death inside.
Where do I go from here? Am I seriously supposed to move to a new city and start over, and try to get on with my life? Fall in love again and plan a future with a different woman, who I’m sure would be amazing but still just wouldn’t be her? After her, nobody else could ever be enough. I could never give my entire heart to someone else when she still holds it, locked up in a box deep within her mind where she doesn’t dare to look.
This isn’t some pathetic feeling most teenagers post about on Facebook. I was genuinely in love with her, and I will always continue to love her no matter what happens, because I gave my everything to her and she will forever be the owner of my now-broken heart. I’ve prayed every night since she left me that I just simply wouldn’t wake up in the morning. I give up life, you win. If I can’t spend my life with her, my life is already taken away from me and I no longer have a place in this world.